By Farra Allen, MA, Professional Life Coach, Founder and Lead Facilitator, LifeWorks School of Coaching (www.lifeworksschool.com)
Do you ever find yourself wishing and hoping that things will just get better – and soon? Does the voice inside your head remind you that since it has surely been long enough, you are due for some good luck? Or, have you given up and decided that things are out of your control and that you really can’t do anything about them?
In my profession as a coach, I often hear people blaming circumstances or other people for what “happens” to them. We live in such a sea of victimization that we don’t even see that we view ourselves as victims. When questioned, many people will deny that they are caught up in this web. Then, in the next breath, they will say something that indicates that they are indeed viewing life from
a victim viewpoint. In fact, this viewpoint is so pervasive, it has become an accepted part of our culture.
When we see ourselves as victims, we fall into patterns of attracting abuse of various kinds. I know that I did. When I faced divorce and the loss of “my baby,” The Atlanta School of Massage, which I
co-founded with my ex-wife, I created a series of physical abuses that seemed to just happen to me. In the most dramatic example, I was hit in the forehead by a softball, which took me down (literally)
and required over 100 stitches. When this occurred, I began to look inside to discover what was happening in my subconscious that might draw this injury to me. I realized I was punishing myself
for loosing my school and my marriage. I thought I had found the answer and that the lesson was complete.
But, I wasn’t done learning. Almost one year to the day after the softball event, I opened up the exact same wound once again, requiring another 100 stitches to put me back together. One
month later, while over enthusiastically “trying to have fun,” the wound opened up a third time. This time turned out to be the charm. I holed up and didn’t take calls or visitors. I realized that life
was possibly going to “take me out” if I did not get all of the lessons.
I discovered that I needed to break my attachment to co-dependency. This initiated a process that continues to this day. I have not attracted any so-called “accidents” since then and I feel more whole and better about me. Since that first incident thirteen years ago, I have been researching the victim phenomenon. Certain things have become clear to me. First, we create everything in our lives. Most of us don’t want to take on that level of responsibility because we don’t want to feel guilt or blame. Nevertheless, if we do let ourselves feel responsible, we have an opportunity to turn the tide.
Secondly, we also have a cultural bias that leads us to believe that if something is unconscious we are “off the hook”; it is out of our control. I prefer to think of the unconscious as the “not quite yet”
conscious. I believe it lies just below the conscious and is available to us if we hold a strong intent to get in touch with it. My favorite technique to access the unconscious is to acknowledge it by asking
the question, “If you did know, what would it be?” Most of the time, people are able to respond to this question, articulating what is hidden just below their conscious awareness. By asking questions that deepen the inquiry and by observing and listening to synchronicities, in most cases the mystery reveals itself.
When traumatic or emotional events happen to us, we come up with interpretations and assessments that lead us to make up “stories” about who we are and what life is about. We file these stories
away in the back of our minds, a process similar to saving a document on your computer. When an environmental trigger activates us in a way that is similar to the event that led to the authoring
of that particular old story, the file pops up on our psychological screen and starts running, just like a movie.
Once we bring awareness to the story and what it is saying about the situation and us, we can begin to open up to other interpretations. By being aware of the “story” we authored in the past,
we can decide if it is appropriate for the circumstances that are happening now. When we take ourselves off of emotional remote control, perception becomes the key to everything. By allowing
our perception of what is happening “now” to be different from our perception of what happened “then,” we have an opportunity to experience our growing edge. More importantly, we are able to
generate a new story that leaves us with future possibilities. We literally have an opportunity to re-invent ourselves by forging a reidentification of the Self, thus creating a new self-image.
From this new place, we are not likely to attract the same or a similar negative experience to us again. A basic premise of the Law of Attraction is that “like attracts like.” Furthermore, when you
take action consistent with your new “I am….,” you anchor your new story in your reality. This leaves a neuro-linguistic imprint that, when combined with an emotional connection, can support real,
long-lasting change. When this occurs, “shift happens.”
As part of my process, I devised a “Shift Your Life” form that can be used to uncover “old story” beliefs and then move through emotionally uncomfortable and unproductive places. It has become
a favorite “short cut” that my clients and I use to begin the process of installing new programs into our hard drives. Having a form to walk through the process is helpful. But, we all have the ability to
look at our lives with “new eyes” if we make a personal commitment to be open and curious. Coaches and Mastermind groups can accelerate your process and support you in keeping your dreams
of living a new way alive.
Whether you consciously choose to change your perspective or not, you live in a world that is changing at an accelerated pace. The speed at which our planet is transforming has ramped up. It is time to claim our “true selves” and claim for ourselves that which we have come into this world to experience. We have the capacity to live in more joy, to answer our unique callings and to be all of who we are. By surrendering to the shift that is happening, we can ride the wave and discover a way of being that is uniquely available in this remarkable time. Most importantly when we rewrite these old
files we are returned to who we truly are now and we cease to live as historical beings. This re-identification of the Self leaves us with an opening, with possibility, with a future and a bright one at
that.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Finding Your Purpose: The Elusive "IT"
By Farra Allen, MA, Professional Life Coach, Founder and Lead Facilitator of LifeWorks School of Coaching. (www.lifeworksschool.com)
When you wake up in the morning, are your feet light as they hit the floor? Are you fueled by the spirit of something bigger that underlies your everyday tasks? Do you feel connected to what you do? Or do you live in a world defi ned by “have to’s” and survival, rather than “thrival?”
Many of us feel pushed and pulled by a nagging, undefined inner “something” that we try to appease by changing jobs, mates, homes, etc only to find ourselves back in the same emotionally unsatisfying boat time and time again. The straight line that we wish life would follow eludes us with twists, turns, and occasionally, tantrums.
My own journey has looked more like a winding mountain path than a full steam ahead straight-a-way. During thirty-years of educational and personal growth endeavors, I have studied many philosophies about actualization, fulfillment and happiness. When I stirred theories about reaching these “highly evolved” states together with my own life experiences, I came up with a simple statement: We fall in love with how we are expressing in the world and what we are doing when we are serving others by being who we most naturally are.
Stated this way, achieving happiness by living “on purpose” seems like a very natural and wise thing to do. But, finding our true selves in the midst of our society’s opinions and socializations can be a rather arduous task. Even though we know the benefits of discovering who we truly and naturally are, we can be a bit stumped about how we, in this “doing” society, can accomplish this all-important connection with our natural purpose and gifts. As with all things that you want to move toward, there are steps you can take to create the space for this knowing to become a part of your conscious awareness.
1. First, set the intention that you will discover and uncover your passion, your vision, your purpose and your unique gift. By doing this, you open up an inquiry and create a questioning space that you will continue to expand into.
2. Next, get into a quiet space that soothes and calms your soul. Retreat to a place in nature, a meditation room, or another sacred space.
3. When you feel calm and connected, ask yourself these questions: If you could do anything you wanted to do, regardless of money and resources, what would that be? What did you dream of doing before responsibility and life intervened? What do your friends say that you naturally give them? What do you naturally love to do?
4. Then listen. Just listen. Write down any thoughts, pictures, memories, emotions, or feelings that come to you.
5. As you go about your daily activities, watch for what life synchronistically presents to you. Take note of these things and record them in some way.
6. Take time to ponder those things that you attract. And then ask yourself some more questions. What has life groomed you for? What are your natural gifts and talents? What “lights you up,” ignites you, sparks you? If you came onto this planet for one reason, what would that reason be? If you could leave behind one legacy, what would that be? Who are you inside and how do you express that outside without even thinking about it?
7. You may also want to do some research. Walk into a bookstore and trust that you will be guided to resources that are perfect for you right now.
8. Keep a record of your journey and the clues you uncover along the way. Journaling, writing, and taking notes are helpful.
9. Get support so that you can make the best of your journey. Attend workshops, join or form a Mastermind group, hire a coach.
In working with hundreds of people to assist them in finding their purpose, I have discovered that we often have a strong drive to contribute to others the very thing we feel we did not get emotionally from our parents when we were growing up. To discover what this is, and to then turn it into your unique gift, become a student of your own life. Be curious and open to learning about yourself.
Most importantly, trust your instincts. When you come upon your purpose, you will feel it and “know” it. When you define your gift, it will inspire you and call you to action. As you get in touch with the ingredients that make up the authentic you, you can then begin to design a life, and a way to make a living, around contributing your gift to others. You will experience tremendous satisfaction by merely engaging in the act of giving from your passion and purpose. And by giving this, you will experience well-being and receive the gift of abundant living.
Farra can be reached at 404-274-2223. For more information, go to www.wemakeithappenow.net
When you wake up in the morning, are your feet light as they hit the floor? Are you fueled by the spirit of something bigger that underlies your everyday tasks? Do you feel connected to what you do? Or do you live in a world defi ned by “have to’s” and survival, rather than “thrival?”
Many of us feel pushed and pulled by a nagging, undefined inner “something” that we try to appease by changing jobs, mates, homes, etc only to find ourselves back in the same emotionally unsatisfying boat time and time again. The straight line that we wish life would follow eludes us with twists, turns, and occasionally, tantrums.
My own journey has looked more like a winding mountain path than a full steam ahead straight-a-way. During thirty-years of educational and personal growth endeavors, I have studied many philosophies about actualization, fulfillment and happiness. When I stirred theories about reaching these “highly evolved” states together with my own life experiences, I came up with a simple statement: We fall in love with how we are expressing in the world and what we are doing when we are serving others by being who we most naturally are.
Stated this way, achieving happiness by living “on purpose” seems like a very natural and wise thing to do. But, finding our true selves in the midst of our society’s opinions and socializations can be a rather arduous task. Even though we know the benefits of discovering who we truly and naturally are, we can be a bit stumped about how we, in this “doing” society, can accomplish this all-important connection with our natural purpose and gifts. As with all things that you want to move toward, there are steps you can take to create the space for this knowing to become a part of your conscious awareness.
1. First, set the intention that you will discover and uncover your passion, your vision, your purpose and your unique gift. By doing this, you open up an inquiry and create a questioning space that you will continue to expand into.
2. Next, get into a quiet space that soothes and calms your soul. Retreat to a place in nature, a meditation room, or another sacred space.
3. When you feel calm and connected, ask yourself these questions: If you could do anything you wanted to do, regardless of money and resources, what would that be? What did you dream of doing before responsibility and life intervened? What do your friends say that you naturally give them? What do you naturally love to do?
4. Then listen. Just listen. Write down any thoughts, pictures, memories, emotions, or feelings that come to you.
5. As you go about your daily activities, watch for what life synchronistically presents to you. Take note of these things and record them in some way.
6. Take time to ponder those things that you attract. And then ask yourself some more questions. What has life groomed you for? What are your natural gifts and talents? What “lights you up,” ignites you, sparks you? If you came onto this planet for one reason, what would that reason be? If you could leave behind one legacy, what would that be? Who are you inside and how do you express that outside without even thinking about it?
7. You may also want to do some research. Walk into a bookstore and trust that you will be guided to resources that are perfect for you right now.
8. Keep a record of your journey and the clues you uncover along the way. Journaling, writing, and taking notes are helpful.
9. Get support so that you can make the best of your journey. Attend workshops, join or form a Mastermind group, hire a coach.
In working with hundreds of people to assist them in finding their purpose, I have discovered that we often have a strong drive to contribute to others the very thing we feel we did not get emotionally from our parents when we were growing up. To discover what this is, and to then turn it into your unique gift, become a student of your own life. Be curious and open to learning about yourself.
Most importantly, trust your instincts. When you come upon your purpose, you will feel it and “know” it. When you define your gift, it will inspire you and call you to action. As you get in touch with the ingredients that make up the authentic you, you can then begin to design a life, and a way to make a living, around contributing your gift to others. You will experience tremendous satisfaction by merely engaging in the act of giving from your passion and purpose. And by giving this, you will experience well-being and receive the gift of abundant living.
Farra can be reached at 404-274-2223. For more information, go to www.wemakeithappenow.net
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